I always tell people I got into massage to help deal with stress after college. And while part of that may be true, it’s definitely not the full story.
I got into massage because I was trying to hide the tremors caused by a severe addiction to Xanax.
Between untreated depression, anxiety, and not knowing where I was going in my future after college, the habit quickly formed after an unhealthy situationship that I was in ended unexpectedly(straw, camel, you know the saying)
I realized I had no control over anything or anyone. Even scarier, I felt as if I couldn’t even control myself. Guilt and shame have a sneaky way of making you feel lonely, so I tried to gain my control back by taking Xanax. Little did I know it would quickly be controlling me. I would’ve been perfectly content suffering in silence at that time, but there was one huge problem:
I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding!
There was no way that I could stand there in front of people shaking like a leaf–let alone tell them the reason why. I was barely 100lbs and people were constantly bringing up my weight. So I did what I do best, I researched*.
After a quick Google search I learned that massage could help relax the sympathetic nervous system, thus calming the tremors.
I definitely didn’t go in there for healing, but healing definitely found me because that massage changed my life. I had never felt so good physically and so relaxed mentally… EVER. This was an entirely new sensation and my curiosity instantly peaked. It sparked a fire in my soul and inspired me to seek healing so I could stop living in pain.
That’s the thing about pain, it can be addictive. Mind you, by this point, I already had my Bachelor’s in Psychology & Minors in Chemistry & Biology. I knew exactly what I was dealing with: depression, anxiety, addiction, shame, fear, and I refused to deal with it. I felt like it would’ve cost too much to address.
Through massage therapy, counseling, medication, hypnosis, meditation, faith in the Divine, help from friends and family who didn’t even know what I was going through, changing my environment, sexual transmutation, changing my diet and so much more**
I’ve come to realize that challenging myself is the only way to clear out old ideas and create space for new ones so that you can fulfill your life’s purpose.
By the way, if all of this sounds like a lot, it's because it is! Growing is not easy and the price of healing does in fact cost a lot up front, but that investment saves you from so much more pain in the long run.
I would describe myself as a humanitarian, but I find vulnerability in my interpersonal relationships challenging. Which is exactly why I’m writing this post. While constantly editing myself has been advantageous in a lot of ways, it can also be limiting when I’m trying to communicate (you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to write this post). I’m investing in myself by addressing my challenges head on in the hopes that it will inspire you to do the same so that you may grow and attract all the Universe has is store for you.
I am grateful for each and every lesson learned so far and those still to come on this journey.
MasPaz means “More Peace”
It’s not just the name of my business. It is a lifestyle.
“Chi Wiz Kris”
*Life Path #7 IFYK!
** PLEASE don’t get me started on the financial cost of being healthy in America. I will be writing a post in the future on ways to access these costly resources for free or little cost to you.