RING OUT THE BELLS!
The book of shame and guilt has been closed!
After years of procedures, and thousands of dollars later--my last and final root canal treatment has been completed!
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I'm not sure if you're familiar with the root canal procedure, but the endodontist removes an infection from deep inside the tooth, cleans the space, then seals the tooth to prevent reinfection.
The physical manifestation of what was deep emotional pain was literally being scooped out from my body and could no longer return!
Each root canal that I got done I felt like I was making space for more self-love.
The fact that I had 6 root canals treatments was not a result of poor oral hygiene education, or a lack of access to dental care. I actually spent years shadowing dentist's, spending my summers taking classes and participating in pre-dental education programs as I was on track to become a dentist!
The state of my teeth were a result of being unkind to myself... self-abuse
I was so devastated that I didn't get into dental school.
After taking an honest look at myself, I realized I was actually devastated that I wouldn't be able to hide my big secret anymore---I didn't actually want to be a dentist.
And this is how I thought everyone would react:
Truth is, no one actually cared MORE than I did, they were more so upset that I didn't share what I was going through. Our brains have a crazy way of making something as simple as changing your mind, seem like a bigger deal than they really are!
Anyway, back to the story:
On top of being afraid of being honest with myself and others, I was also afraid of the future (anxiety), because I had no idea what I wanted to do or be.
In this darkness, I was unable to appreciate all I had achieved in those four years at CWRU. It was so dark, I couldn't take the 4 min shuttle bus ride to the Administration Office to fill-out the half-sheet of paper to declare my minors in Chemistry and Biology. I didn't think I deserved to claim those titles since I wasn't going to college for Minors, I was going to become a dentist--and I didn't achieve that, whether I truly wanted to or not. I didn't think I deserved to brush my teeth, to lean on my friends and family, or figure out what it truly was I wanted for myself.
“Humans punish themselves endlessly for not being what they believe they should be. They become very self-abusive, and they use other people to abuse themselves as well.” don Miguel Ruiz
My minors have allowed be to craft this amazing Massage In A Jar that is helping nearly every person I come into contact with. My Psychology degree is helping me to connect with myself so that I can be a conduit of healing for others.In a nutshell, I'm grateful for where I've been, where I am, where I'm going, and every experience in between.
I claim all of it now! I claim it because I worked hard for it. The look of confusion when I tell people I have a Bachelor's in Psychology, Minors in Chemistry & Biology and am a Licensed Massage Therapist is priceless. It makes sense once you know me and my story though. Which is exactly why I wanted to start this blog: to share my story, we all have one. I'm great at being professional, now I'm going to be great at being vulnerable so I can inspire others to do the same, so that may unlock their potential and create a better life for themselves.
Ease-up on yourself, love.
Kris <3
P.S. It's okay to change your mind. About anything, or anyone, at anytime. The only person you need permission from is yourself
P.P.S I can't believe I actually wrote this, so if you made it this far show some love!